Discussion Questions  |  6 September 2020

SERMON SUMMARY

New Series – It’s Not You. It’s Me.

We have all been cooped up for what seems like forever. What has all this social distancing done for your relationships? Has it made things a little tense? Maybe things have never been better? No matter your current status, it’s become clearer to all of us that relationships are important and God calls us not just to healthy relationships, but to be holy in our relationships. Through this series, we will look at how our faith shapes who we are, how communicate, resolve conflict, forgive and set boundaries in our relationships.

DISCUSSION

Healthy relationships need loving boundaries. Boundaries are relational property lines that clearly defines what is me and you in the relationship. It helps define what I’m responsible for and what you are responsible for. It helps define what I can control and what you can control. Just like good fences make good neighbours, good boundaries make good relationships. Ps Chee shared three types of people who deal with boundaries.

1. An Unhealthy Giver – people who give with no boundaries.

Unhealthy givers often have no boundaries because they feel it’s unloving and selfish to say no to others. These people need to recognise that boundaries are not selfish. Boundaries help us define our own property line so we can take care of ourselves and be good stewards of who we are.

2. An Unhealthy Protector – people whose boundaries have become walls

Unhealthy protectors often use boundaries as a way to serve themselves. They use their boundaries as walls to self-protect themselves from inconvenience, hurt, disappointment and anxiety. These people need to recognise the purpose of boundaries is to help serve their relationships better. They are not just responsible for themselves, but responsible to love others.

3. An Unhealthy Taker – people who take by crossing boundaries

Unhealthy takers cross boundaries by not taking responsibility. They feel that others are responsible for how they react. They feel that others need to change in order for them to not feel or behave a certain way. These people need to recognise boundaries help define what they are responsible for. They respect other people’s boundaries when they take responsibility for themselves.

Discuss one or more of the following questions:

1. Listening to this week’s sermon, what spoke to you and why?
2. Boundaries can be used in a godly way or a sinful way. Discuss.
3. Which of the three types of people mentioned in the sermon can you identify with? Give an example of this at work in your life. How have you seen this impact you and your relationships?
4. If you identify with an unhealthy giver:

• Why do you find it difficult to set boundaries?
• Read Mark 6:30-32 and Luke 5:15-16. What is the difference between the way Jesus gives, and the way an unhealthy giver gives in relationship?

1. Describe an unhealthy protector in your life. How has that impacted your relationship?
2. Read Galatians 6:2-3 (NLT). It tells us that we are responsible for ourselves, but also responsible to love others. What is the difference being responsible for others vs responsible to love others?
3. Describe an unhealthy taker in your life. How has that impacted your relationship?
4. Read Galatians 6:2-5 (ESV). Ps Chee shared that you are responsible for your own load. What does it mean to be responsible for your own emotion, action, choices, etc? How have you imposed that responsibility to other people in the past?
5. What is something you feel like God is asking you to put into action after this week’s sermon and discussion?